Amber

Still the wind will carry you
Over the bridges far away
Over the rainbow and over the rain
And I'm still under the clouds
And living the grey

It pushes back my tears
Into eyes long unseen
And I am pulled back onto my fears
Like scattered sighs upon the breeze

And heavily you lightly rise
And are taken by the unknown gaze
And they are parted, one hundred ways
But the stone is set, and the sword is broken
And so time will pass, with no-one to break the day

And as the skies fall
And the earth seems too small
For you to run away

I still ask just one thing
Leave the haze of my memories and let me be free
Not as Mehdi,
But as me.

The Unforseen

What's unseen is yet so clear
Without maybe your mark or touch
Still it can rest here

As soon as the split is close
And we both take the other end
And try to pull things back together
But instead we just tear things apart
And the strings push us out to our tethers
Sailing away, but never nearer to a friend.

And through murky skies you send
Murky lies, and never without knowing blindness
Can I fight my way through to you
For basing on sight just can't be true
For what I see is as close to life
As what a dead tree may do
Shedding gray leaves which
At one point, we all pick up
And then we think they are what we need
To have, in order to understand
The happiness at hand, for only when comparing
The dark and the bright
Can we know what's alive, and what is light.

But then when the moon can soar
Into your mind and then you must rely on hold alone
The bars once iron are now inside, and locked
Back inside your mind, the maze that cannot be solved
The riddle filled with holes, the river burning with flow,
And the last of the trains going home

You keep my gaze inside a mirror
Hoping that when dust falls over
The curtains that you can no longer open
There will still be something there
Something nearer, than the sinking
Fear, so low
That to follow you must not dream of blinking
For in that time, everything can change
And like a drowning memory
In the flames you finally feel
Our eyes' exchange.

Connected

If I talk, only the raw coarseness of my words would get through
And not what really I should have tried to hide, but it's hard to keep inside
The thoughts and feelings you've held for so long, and now you feel they belong
They have a place and a time when night can be day and you can be mine
And then I'll let go and let my heart fly to you

But still I know that I'll take my chances and wait for the moment
Which grows ever further away, and the closeness and what once was
I find it hard to replace, but still I know that when I look out
Just understanding that I could reminisce fills my eyes with fever
A heat which burns me so deeply, that it can't be seen
By anyone looking in the right direction

So if I could I'd force you to walk on this line, the tension
So great since you had walked away, leaving me neither here nor there
Walking on the tightrope, waiting to fall
Knowing nothing can ever be underneath, nor above
Since you lifted me up and I saw from a different light
The clouds and the sun, and all I had ever known of love
Had vanished in a single second
What I thought could never end,
But the wind rises and takes flight, like I
So never remaining and never gaining anything
But just from time to time
I sing a smile and hope that as I move
My unspoken words would fly a few miles
And I could prove
That my constant hurt had been worthwhile.

To Get There

If I draw back the white billowing curtains
To let inside the darkness and the light
And all which was set aside and once cast in shadow
Is in full view as your eyes take in the sight

Before you opened your eyes you could never see
The rolling fields and endless plains
Which ride side by side into the sun
On horses free, and owned by none
With wild laughter and yet
They must one day succumb.

Now you can see that there is night
And clouds roll over the stars as they lazily
Slowly but surely with passion yet lonely
Make sure that one by one the stars
Are vanishing
But still waiting for their return, they yearn
For a time when you shall want them crazily
But you always looked from above,
Down below, upon everything you thought
Would heal with no scars.

But for something to hurt it cannot be forgot
Something which ties love and hate into such a tight not
That we forget which hearts are ours
Ands which we should have relinquished
And banished into the past

And even in the easy flowing gutters when
Speech and thought and all things which
You think are beneath you are out of reach
As you say you can't swim in waters
Less stained than the hearts
Which you crushed with your selfish slaughter
Yes you may now float on your prize
A river of blood
Leading to the skies

Spring

Like a fragile mirror you stand against the wall
Reflections so vague, they fly as they fall
To the floor, and now beneath it, and we can see them no more.

And soon a late message will arrive
And I know all you will want to do
Is arise and be gone, for I was always the
Falling rain
One second there, another not.
Just another little thing.
Which you forgot.
And with the sunshine you think it will heal
Your hurt, but warmth will make your greatest efforts
More in vain.

But there will be a time where the wind changes
And the sun will hide behind dark grey clouds
And I know it is my time again
Only in those cold winter months
I am by your side, but I can feel it
When the waters have ceased to freeze
And you have started to feel, and then the breeze
So gently, brushes against my face
But with more passion than you ever have
That again I shall be behind the glass
Just looking, at what I myself could have been
If there were no such thing as time and place
 --But a touch never lasts.

So as I stand before you, and yet still
Before me you say, you say I should see
All which is there, looking back out towards reality
But when before I have never felt or known
Of such, only as shadows I understand them to be
And yet through darkened corners hiding the ends
And and the sharp lines of pain slowly appear
And move outwards towards what I thought
Was the edge, the end, where it would stop
But no they carried on breaking and taking
Away anything whole left

Until all we could do was look up
Into what we didn't know
Something that could always be ours
But like a bird within a cage
Sings restrainedly, for hours
And there is nothing in our power
We can do.
Than to hold it close, and hope one day
It will fly away, and spread its word
Like the besotted petals
That we forgot, and so we settle
For the dying flower.

Natural Law

So I stay true to the things that take up all my time
But only to see that it has passed me by
And I have let so much rest on my shoulders
That anything I wanted to balance has fallen through

And it's too hard to find them, and pick them up again
And make them stand and make them see
And make them smile and make them breathe
And make sure their hearts beat
And make sure they can't get close to you.

For you'll push them off the edge
Waiting in front of the line, first to live
But first to die, first to fall so high.

And I know that everything will soon
Be thrown into the gap
Letting the empty spaces decide
Darkness, shadows are lurking within the gloom
Like poisoned petals drifting in their murky lust
Towards grey candles burning suicide.

The fire takes away the long lost dust
And now only wind, with nothing to make
Nothing to move, and nothing to break
Useless forces pulling on you and I
And without the change there can be no flowers' bloom.

Lost Ones

And though the night is dark
The days will be even darker
When the sun shines in places
Not brighter than your eyes were
As they were glowing with tears
And I thought they could help me
And I thought I had grown
But as with everything seen through sadness
It was all just a blur.

But nothing lasts long
And when you turn away
Hoping that still intact
Will lie what you once wanted
But when you fall back
There's nothing to be sure
And so you just keep reaching
For things you know aren't there.

It's better to be poor
And know what you have
Than to be locked inside wants
And needs and wishes and everything
You thought you could ever take.
And realise
There's not a single thing
You're sure you can say, do, or make
To make a difference.

Because words make no more sense.

And I can't even speak anymore.
After every silence there's a consequence
But I can't bear to be seen
I want to sit in the corner
And just think about all the things
That could have been

But something said too many times
Passed around like a noose unseen
And yet it is evident in your darkness
Too late, but with it's shining gleam

The only treasure I ever knew
Is now dulled
No longer precious to me

But only the stars in the sky will see
And in the morning
I hope it shall be blown away
A dead leaf lost in the breeze
But they like to be that way.
And nothing, no please, no questions
Not even noticing them slowly falling
And their colour fading

So far away.
And never to return again.
But yet so many, and you would have thought.
They would have made it, somehow, someday.

First Star

when you wear something so pure
it's whiteness and cleanliness
untouched by pleasure pain
not let outside in wind or rain
it will stay plain, the same.

then so much easier
for anything to leak,
or to escape from the sheet
and fall, drop, spill, flood
onto what once was so
in itself, alone, but yet they thought
it was better this way.

now she must pay the price
with dirt and hurt
and all things which
could never be nice
and she had to sacrifice
under the white veil
her true eyes

and now she sees
in grey
only what must be done
and not what has begun
they have taken her
from the inside
and now she is no so unsure

and only to others now
is she so simply
and pure.

Damp

The things which were said to me
In the night where all I could see
Were floating birds and flying boats
              and shouting skies above my hope.

They drowned out my seas
With flailing horses
Riding away into the sun
Into the flames of my heart
Burning so close to what keeps them here
             and what keeps you and I so far apart.

The icy moon creeps into my veins
And soon the slow torture shall be slain
As faster faster I slip into pearl
Hide within perfection to protect myself
          and throw myself out of the world
          and hurl myself out of these
          and uncurl myself out of you, please

What remains in me
What was given by others
I drag myself into the dark
The floor remains unmarked
But I break the wall
And fight the earth
Like a natural mask
Doomed to fall.

Superficial

Do you know what it feels like.
When you're waiting
Somewhere you've never been
For someone you've never seen.

But you know that they'll be there.
But you don't know how
But you don't know where
But you just want it so much.

And you just want it to be fair.
And you want them to notice you.
So you change what you wear
The way you walk, and talk
The way you do your hair.

But all the while
You want to become
Someone they love.

So you say it's just begun
Just a bit of fun
Nothing's changed.

So you move on, and now
More than often
It seems you speak
With a different tone of voice
But you say it's your choice
You're still the same

But that just proves
There's nothing in a name.

It's just a game you have to play
But you could never lose, you need
The glamor, the fame
To walk outside and in sunshine or in rain
You feel you're golden,
And that no-one can hurt you ever again
And you say
That thing's are fine.

But it's hard to look when everyone stares.
It's hard to talk when no-one cares.
It's hard.
When there's actually no-one there.

Just what they think they have to be.
When love isn't fair.

But you can't rip what has never been sewn.
You can't leave a house you've never called home
And it's impossible for you to be lonely.
When you were always on your own.

You can't take what you've never had
You can't cry when you've never been glad
You can't shout when you've never spoken.
And the words were just leaking
From a heart so broken.

It's hard speaking, sometimes.
But you can't return to what you've left behind.
Now empty people are all you can find.
Where truth used to belong.
But now only shadows on the walls
Their faces hidden
By the hurt
That they could never overcome.

Foreshadowing

Maybe you feel like you're on the top.

That you've left everybody else behind.

And way down below.

Too far for you to ever find.

That you may once again.

Need them.

Everything grows, that I understand

But no-one starts as a mountain

From a rock to a shore

We move and we float

Hoping to catch that next

Piece of us, wherever, whomever

It may be. And all the more

You look, you search

But you often forget

So you think you

Can push us all under

But one day we will rise

And you'll back down into regret.

Get it out of your head

The sunny stories the stony smiles

The flings, the flocks of fucking flies

That will cling to you like a rat

Through the lies

Though you think you're more sneaky and sly

But I'll catch you out

With something you can never have

Shut your face

In a bleeding trap

Without a doubt, oh yes

You will reach down

But they're all gone now.

So as you realize

After so long

Get the shit out of your messed up eyes

Get the shit out of your messed up lies

Get the shit out of the shit, which is your life.

That there's no-one anymore.

And you stand alone.

So you fall.

Back down into the people you wish you'd never met.

Back down into the shit

Into the things, you'll regret.

Template

If I could.

I'd turn you into stone.

Warmer than the cold.

I'd turn your heart into gold.

The treasure no-one else can see.

I'd turn your nightmares into home.

Where you alone,

And I in misery

Would rest upon the broken frames

Of pictures of times broken and old

Where I was me and you were free

Not bound by what we're told.

And you would sit there on your own

Trying to get away

From all the noise 

Which would make you feel better.

Because that's what people would say.

People who play with us

Like we're plastic toys.
And slowly slowly

We change.

Because we can.

To become what they say we must be.

In order to feel what they call beauty.