You.

All I wanted was for you to see me.
So I stood right in front of you.
All I wanted was for you to hear me.
So I began to scream.
All I wanted was for you to talk to me.
So I walked into you.
All I wanted was for you to help me.
So I fell to the floor.
All I wanted was for you to lift me up.
So I began to cry.
All I wanted was for you to care.
So I began to die.

All I want is you.
So I begin to make you want me too.

So I begin to change my look.
All you want to do is look at me.
So I begin to shout to you.
All you want is to hear me.
So I begin talking about you.
All you want is to talk to me.
So I begin helping your friends.
All you want is help from me.
You fall down.
All you want is to be lifted up.
You want to cry.
All you want is me to care.
You want to die.

I stop wanting you.
Its time you stopped wanting me too.

My Life..WHAT!! yet ANOTHER rubbish poem?

I can see it in your eyes that

As I walk by you scowl inside,

Pushing me away, like so

Many others have done so.

Please don't do the same.

Walking though a minefield, Yet feeling

Quite safe, is, I assure you, something 

That I do not usually do. One wrong 

Move and everything combusts, and your 

Life explodes around you, and you can't

Stop that from happening. You just watch

Everything fall to dust around you, and 

No matter what you do, you can't get

Out of there.

Let me out.

Back to reality, you scowl standing tall, but

This time it's real life, and you watch me as I fall.

I explode into life and I can't stop myself from

living. I fall into dust, but no matter what I do, no-one

Gets me out of there.

I want to get out.

Every emotion, all at strife,

I tell you my friends, 

Welcome to life.

"Untitled" - Chapter 1- final part

URGH. THIS TOOK ME LIKE HOURS TO GET RIGHT.

Marcus:

It's been nearly a month now since dad left. I am keeping a diary, since I can't tell anyone anything anymore. I suppose I'm not gonna forget it. But I don't want to write it down either. That way the proof's always there. If I can't forget it, then why NOT write it down. It's not like anyone's going to read any of this.

I think it was year ago, sort of. Well it started out before that, rumors, nasty comments, etc. But the real stuff happened a year ago, when I was 14. It was my birthday today though, but thankfully no-one knew that. I don't like people getting all excited. Anyway, I told my friend Evan. I didn't know that he was gonna tell anyone. But he did. I dunno how, it just somehow got out to the entire fucking school by the next day. I then found out that Evan told Svetlana. And then, well, it sort of spread. And then I got the notes in my homework diary.

"Fuck of you faggot".

And that was the nicest one. I mean, its not like I was expecting open arms from everyone, but I wouldn't think that people would make such a big deal about it. So I'm gay, so what? If I knew that our school was so fucking homophobic I wouldn't have told anyone, especially not Evan. But what pisses me off is that Evan was such an idiot. And he didn't even try to help me out of some of the more serious situations.

It started off with people just ignoring, like I had some sort of fucking contagious disease. No-one talked to me for at least a week. But I always heard them talking about me. When I talked to Evan he just blanked me. And it was even worse with Amar, he just started laughing at me for no apparent reason. It got worse, people would vandalize my stuff like my schoolbooks, and shit like that. I thought that they would stop after they had something better to do. But it seems like they didn't have anything better to do. I mean, I had a "talk" with my head or year, Mr Thomson, and he told me to tell the police if the bullying got too far. I thought that they would stop it after they had been warned in assembly. I didn't even know who "They" were. I was told by Jennifer that Evan started it. I though Jennifer was lying, like she always did, (She's Luke's sister, and I didn't want him to hate me from the first day here, but he doesn't seem to know about me), but she was telling the truth.

I then realized that I had to make them stop, and so I did tell the police. They called in Evan and his posse, and told him to stop whatever he was doing. He seemed all solemn and they told him to write me  a letter of apology. But they said that I had to give it to my parents. My dad was catholic, and sort of homophobic, so I didn't want him knowing. But before I could tell the shitty police officer, Evan had gone and given it to him as he was outside. He read the letter, as it was addressed to him. Evan had gone when I got outside. Dad just told me to get in the car. Mum wasn't there, and I was a little scared. But he didn't do ANYTHING, we got home and he slept. Mum was at home. She was sort of crying. The school had phoned her. As soon as I walked in she ran up to me and hugged me. I was like "Ok then...". I think she was a bit concerned. What parent wouldn't be? But dad told me to go upstairs. I asked him why and he told me to fuck off upstairs. I was scared. But I went upstairs.

I heard shouting. I didn't really get what they were saying, but I'm a really deep sleeper so I fell asleep really quickly. When I woke up, I was a bit, you know, confused, on what happened. But I went downstairs and well, there was no-one there. And there's still no-one there.

They sort of just...left. But there was a note on the fridge. And it said :

"We have no son, we never had a son, and we do not know you".

It kinda upset me. Im over it now, but when people ask where you live, its sorta hard to say that you live in a care home. But that wasn't the worst of it. So social services came and took me away, and then I found a new home.  Yeah well when I got to school the next day, and this was like 2 weeks after Svetlana told everyone I realized that people were talking to me. And Evan talked to me which was quite a shock. But he didn't seem normal. So I asked him "are you OK".

He just walked away.

And this was after school, so I walked away as well.

I walked through green lane to station road in Edgware, and then got the train to Hendon Central, and then walk home, which doesn't take a long time. But as I was walking through green lane, well, I was sort of...attacked. I think thats the right word. Yeah well basically one of them had  a knife and yeah. They sort of stabbed me. It wasn't very nice. Next thing I remember, I was in hospital. I would have thought that Mum and Dad would have been there, you know, sure, they didn't want a son, but "Marcus" was stabbed. Yeah well I got a letter from hendon school saying that they accepted me, as I was on the waiting list before. That meant I had to say Goodbye to London Academy. Goodbyes. I didn't have many, I was sort of in intensive care.

After a week, and this was in half term, so no school missed, I got another letter from hendon school saying that I could go in a years time. I got private tutoring for a year, and it was as boring as hell. But thats not the point. A nurse came into room. I asked her where my parents were "naturally". She told me to be brave, Im like "Ok I will".

Mum was dead. Dad killed her.

And I'm just stuck on the in between. There's a court hearing in a month, and depending on what evidence I give one of two things could happen:

-dad could be sent to rehab.

-dad could be given life in jail.

I don't know what to do.

And why did everyone laugh when I talked to Shreya?

But, anyway, that's my story, and I don't want to end like it did before.

I just hope that maybe, someday, someone could see me for who I am, not what I am.

well today my friend's father showed up. so me and tulsi started talking about homework and about how we love school. And of course, how school is FUN.

and lets not forget the people that have a GCSE exam tomorrow.

UBERKEEN.

OHMADAYZ.

isitman?
I swear, you can change the FONT.
oohhhh.
but all of these are ANNOYING.
This isn't BAD, I s'ppose.
but this is the best.
I swear I had the most juxtaposed day. I dont even know what I'm meant to write on this blog.
I realised no-one tells me anything except for the people that actually care about which; which brings that number up to ONE.
Ok now I am completely stuck.
how about a random POEM????
too late, its already formed.

(OMGITSANOTHEREMOPOEM)

Life is more like a hole than anything else, always
Waiting to be filled, but never stating what to be filled
With, and never ceasing to be empty, no matter what you
Fill it with. Even those who tell others that life is never
Empty, even they cannot make it full, as they know that it will
Always be a hole

Dark and mysterious, like life itself,a mystery, and whats at
The bottom of the hole, well we'll just have to wait. But there are
Those who don't want to wait for that, the plunge themselves
Down the hole and hope that they will reach the light.

But listen to Sabrina:
The light at the end of a tunnel is just a train.

"Untitled" - Chapter One (BLOGbook)>>PART ONE

(This is a wannabenovel by the way)

FOREWORD:

just in case you didn't notice, this will ALL (that's right ALL) be in diary entries. Each "Character" being mentioned in italics before the diary entry.

When there is no name mentioned, the event will be a narration of what happens at that specific moment, with no bias involved or intended.

Chapter One

20th May 2008

Rose:

Urgh. How on earth could that absolute idiot forget my BIRTHDAY. Shreya fucking promised she'd get me that Amy Winehouse album. And what on earth was Cullam thinking with that crappy water bottle. He absolutely ruined my new Dolce&Gabbana bag that daddy got me from New York. I mean this is Hendon, not a water fighting village constructed from idiots. I swear one day I will MURDER him. If he touches ANY of my designer clothing ever again.

And Shreya, not only forgetting my birthday (even though I reminded her YESTERDAY,) what a whore, I mean she knows that I am deeply in LOVE with Luke, but she actually accepted his request to go with him to the cinema.

I hope that bitch dies of fright, even if the film is some CRAPPY romance. I mean, and I totally understand her, she never gets anyone asking her out, unlike moi. I mean, we all know that she's an ugly whore, but why can't Luke see that? It's not like she has looks, I mean she's like a total freak. She actually reads revision books. What a total saddo. I mean, she's lucky enough to even get a response from moi on msn, and I actually accepted her friend request on myspace, but that was only because I could get my friends up to 500. I mean, I'm surprised that she even HAS any friends anyway. She put ME in HER top friends. Does she not get how embarrassing that is? I am WAY too important to be there.

And what is it with the new boy, Marcus ,I mean is he like dumb or something, he actually SPOKE to Shreya. I mean, no-one is allowed to talk to Shreya. I don't even know why I talk to Shreya. I should really stop.Urgh, I mean, I don't even know what I mean anymore.

Shreya:

Wow. Luke asked me out... well in a way. I'm so excited, this is my first date. And Rose was a bit apprehensive about Marcus, but I s'ppose that's just her telling people to stay away from new people. I think I've got a friend! Well, apart from Rose, because she's just too nice to me. Sometimes I wonder if she secretly talks about me behind my back, but she's too popular to do that, if she did then half the school would know.

It was quite funny when Cullam wet her though. I didn't laugh, cos she's my friend, but I chortled a little. She was really angry at me for forgetting her birthday present. I wanted to bring it in, I really wanted to, but it's just it sorta got broken.

It's not my fucking fault that it broke, but she's probably told the whole school that I did it on purpose. I don't even know why she talks to me, no-one else does. It's not like anyone wonders how it broke, and even if they did know, it's not like they would care.

Cullam:

hehehe. I wet Rose today, and the whole school laughed at her. It was my little birthday gift to her. 15 at last, she is. She says that there's only a year left before she's at the "legal age". It's not like she's gonna lose her virginity. The whole SCHOOL knows that she already lost it to SOMEONE.

God Shreya's such a freak, how could she even dare to forget the CD. She is gonna get murked by Rose tomorrow. It seems I have to end this entry, because I can't let Jay find out I have a diary.(He comes around my house like 3 times a week) I swear he idolizes me...follows me around school like my little servant friend, he WANTS to be my best friend... then again everyone does. Anyway, Jay will not find out I keep a diary-I'm way too cool for that.
People take that I just "am" cool, but no, it takes hard work, its not like I was BORN amazing. Everyones so jealous of me.
I cant believe that Shreya hasn't realised it yet.

Luke
I am begginning to think that Shreya is an abolsute idiot. I asked her out as a JOKE, and she still hasn't got it yet. lolige at cullam murdering Rose. We have some new guy in out class, I dont even know his name, but he SPOKE to Shreya. we need to teach him some school rules
1.DONOTTALKTOSHREYA
2.DONOTEVERTALKTOSHREYA
and
3.DON'TYOUDARETALKTOSHREYA.
Shreya, is, officially the school freak, and I cant let people think that I actually asked her out properly. I am going to have to tell her the truth; that shes a freak and she would be the last person I would date. If I dont, who knows what people will think of me??


END OF PART ONE
I AM NOT WRITING ANYMORE
UNLESS IF I AM BOTHERED.

I swear down...

One day, I will blame Sabrina. One day, I shall wonder why on EARTH I started a blog. Like everything else I sign up for (Myspace, Facebook, etc), once I actually get it...I sort of don't ever get OFF it...as in..I have to be on it 24/7
-or otherwise I throw tantrums.
About the name of this blog, all credits go to "Natasha". Not that you know who that is, of course, but names always help.
Urgh. This is going to be (possibly) the most uncared-about blog on the whole of "Blogspot". That probably didn't even make sense.
I will now go on a verbal rampage notated in the english alphabet.
URGH.Who on earth invented examinations?
Why would you want to sit them?
and WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU READING THIS?!
(interrobang needed)
Do you people have nothing better to do.
you know I'm going to write an online book, on this very blog, just to amuse myself, and THAT is how sad I am.
I have NO idea what it shall be about, but I can tell you that it will (as will everything else that will be posted on this blog) include sorrow and misery.