Halloween Hopes - 2

They do not knock
For they know I have nothing
To give

I wish I could once again
Take refuge behind such fronts

I light a firework
And it speeds off
Into space
Freedom unlimited
I was that bright once
But now slowly fading
And dropping
Back into cold reality

The costumes are bright
Coloured
I wish I could see through
These curtains of appearance
But it is probably too late.
For I.

The ringing bell
Again, they try
Without knowing
To convince me
That I can please

But I wish to turn
Out the glimmer of hope
And watch myself in the darkened room
No need for a mask
To be terrified.

I open the door anyway
One last chance
And I am greeted
By someone
Whom I think
I want to know
Just maybe
Behind the mask.

Halloween Hopes - 1

When the fireworks remain unseen
In the pitch blackness of our hearts
And I wear a mask
To hide my face

I walk to doors unknown
And ask for happiness
In small quantities
The only place I can
Gain it from

But slowly
As time goes by
More and more of the doors
Close on me

And even the light
Shining through4
The glass

Fades

I can no longer
Find my way home
No matter
I could not call it that anyway

One more door.
One last chance
But is there any point?

Though I wait
And I hope
For one
To take off my mask
And make me realise
That I do not need the costume
To have happiness
With them

I dream

I am tired
Of being tired.
The exhaustion
Brought on by
The constant waiting

Behind the glass
The rain slowly
Runs down
And the outside
In small circles
Shines

I follow with my finger
Finding a spot
A place
Where I can fit in

The raindrop shatters
One million dreams
Are too small
To be recognised
By you

To Believe

For I cannot see the light
When it is from another's star
It seems only to threaten
My smalll candle
The flame wavering
Slowly lessening

The sky is bright tonight
The reflections of my tears
Are in your heart's window
A mirror that is only ever
One sided.

Time is mocking me
I can feel the seconds
Going by
One step closer
To being further away
From the only one
Who makes me shine.

Still Standing

For if I were to understand
Why these black roses
Flow from your lips

I would have long ago
Been able to
Let go of my hope
Like a dying echo
Of what could have been
So beautiful

But it seems
Like life is not kind.
Once again
My frail smiles
Are shattered by words
Which to you
Can only ever be words

But I think
When you speak
Such utter beauty
Fills the silence
And I feel
That this dying voice
Can sing once more

Eclipse

This painful sweetness
That lurks inside of me
I must try to keep hidden

From everything
I thought
Would never happen to me.
I never thought
I would understand
The way in which
A heart can long
For another
So much

I define bittersweet
These feelings are thrown
Upon with such sleek speed
That it seems I am too confused
To function

Let me for one last time
Touch the frozen pearls
And rise out of the frozen sea
Into what warmth
Would have been.
If I could held you.

I swear now
That I would tear apart
This world

Just to have a chance
Of being in yours.

For if I could tame
The wild flowers
And the numbing hurt
Which this bleak world
Cannot endure

Then I swear to you
That if I could I
Would be sure

But inside a rivers flow
I know not where to go
For I have no meaning
Nor direction

I can only hope
That I will reach
The open spaces
Which I can only dream of

This deadened air
Is taking its time.
I can breathe in
The ash of sorrow
And yet exhale yet only more
For if I could stop loving you
I would. I am sure.

Nature

It was meant to be sunny today.
But as always. The clouds
Took away the light
Until I could only see
The outlines

What is inside did
Not matter to me.
For without this
Hope, I could not see it.

The trees were
Standing strong
Through the storm
Though I am
Easily
Broken

A slight breeze
Your touch on my lip
And I am gone

Don't Forget

These sweet lies

Will do nothing more

Than break the thin layer of ice

Which stops me looking in your eyes

My life is sacrifice

Never accepted

Yet always offered

I wish to touch your face

And I would turn back time

To make you mine

But the louder I shout

The farther away you run

And only with caressing whispers

Can I be heard

Though I can feel

It slipping

Through my fingers

Like a memory

Acceptance

I am forever lost

Within your memories

I can hear in the background

The unfinished melodies

The words to which

Are half said

And half not

In my head

But in yours

There are roses and plumes

Of what is yet to come

Not fading shadows

Or a dying light.

I miss the stop

I don't know how

To get off anyway

And yet when

Ten thousands smiles

Are thrust into my eyes

I can feel ten thousand

Balloons bursting

With the realisation

That none of them are mine.

And for you know "thats nice"
Is only an inch of the years

Where I have been forced

To colour in the spaces

Where you could have been

And tolerate the races

Which people get in

Though nothing

Will be as colourful as you are

I want to steal the essence

Of the rainbow

And force it within me

Maybe then I can

Feel again

The blessings

That such fearful joy

Brought me

Though I can only ever

Think

I could never dare to even

Try, to close my eyes

Blink for one second

Because if I do

I fear

In the shedding of one single tear

My bitterness will appear

And you

With your mirror eyes

And your mirror heart

I only wish

I could tell you

But I can't.

Touch

My imperfect hands

Will never be fit to hold yours.

Time will create a wall

And I can see you

But the other side

Is empty mirrors

My voice is an echo

In a cave

Where I am love's prisoner

Where there is nothing.

But I promised myself

I would reach down

Upon the fallen autumn leaves

And I would watch

Them ride the wind

They would have another chance

To escape on silver wings

As yours have been darkened

By the mistakes of which

You think are corrections

I wish to be

A cold and frosty

Remnant

Which you hold in your hands

The closest to your heart

That I will ever get.

Blow me away

As I know

If I stay

I will tear down reality

I will burn down the truth

For with it, I swear I cannot be

If there is only me

And not you.

Useless

I cry

The icy rain

Down

My burning face

I can see

The tension in your eyes

As mine are flooded

With rivers of the past

I let all the memories

Free

Where they deserve to be

Not kept hidden

Inside my mind

Where you'll also find

Why I lied

I keep replaying

But nothing is ever like the

First time

The track keeps skipping

Through all of my moments

I gave you more of me

Than I thought I had

So without you now

I am empty, and

This way I will stay.

I owe to the world a smile

A laugh

But only shadows I give away

You cannot see my scars

But I can feel them

Inside my mind

Every day of my life

I can feel the wasted past

And I can never forget

Every second

With you in my sight

Makes the flame

I thought was dead forever

Awaken

From the ashes

Of a ruined soul

I am constantly in

And out of flux

The nights and days

Are all one emotion

Now

I realise

No matter how many halves you give me

I can never be whole.

Memories

If I reach deep down

In to the ashes of my diarys

And pull out a fistful

Of memories

I can assure you

Your name will be written

On every fading moment

My eyes may forget

But my heart cannot

I will dive into the blackness

Of lies long ago said

And hope, long ago dead

Just to cling on to these

Moments

Where I finally had you.

I know today

That I will once again

Lose to the wonderful facts

And although ignorance is bliss

I tell you this

You sing to me in the birdsong

And you write to me in the books

I can hear your silence

When I wish for words

When they appear

In my half hidden mind

I write

But the letters

Create the same order

And all I see is one.

Siren Song

I hold gentle warmth in my hands

It's frail scent lingers on your touch

As I shiver with your loss

I remember when the

Eyes of you and I

could see past the crystal glass

I would run to our memory

If it were possible

But the theme of the truth

Will never let me go

He holds me tight

And however many times

I must scream

To him

Everything is sweet solitude

My siren song

Though luring away

All forms of hope

From this desolate island

Which I stand on

Tears

Everything little word

Is a runaway paper aeroplane

Flying on chance

I remember the times

When I used to sit

On the benches

And not have to stare

Into the distance

To distract myself

From the cold

Where I always had

The truth that I could

Borrow your warmth

The skies are grey now

And as winter arrives

From the dreary depths of

The past

I must soon envisage

The trust I once had

In chance

And assume it to be useful

For my hope has flown away

From my icy soul

To a warmer place

It seeks you, or

So my softly spoken pain

Shall live on

In stormy silence

But I tell you now

I whisper this

Into your arms

If you wish to find me

Once I am lost in hopelessness

Then first

Realise this

You must find my heart

Hiding from your flames

Caged Bird

Everything always happens
At the wrong time.

My life
Is a withered tree

On the edge

Of a desolate shore

I wait to be found

But I cannot be rescued

For I am rooted

To the ancient ground

My love

A bird

Flown far away

Though once perched

On my arm

Has flown away to

Follow your hand

Into the distance

My happiness

A single ashen tear

Drawn to the ground

By the fear of truth

My kindness

Returns to mock me

From a place where I

Cannot reach

My feelings

Are alike

To a single

Grain of sand

Lost in utter uselessness

In an ocean of pain

If only the shards of lies were not

So crystal clear

And if the mirror of truths

Was not so unsure

Maybe for once a smile would be near

And maybe for once

Just one day

Would be pure.

I could

When all the time

In the world seems to become

A simple number

And the wounds do not heal

I realise I cannot count

And all the comfort in the world

Does not amount to the comfort

Which your touch brings

The chiming bells

Sing of your departure from me

And I sound the scorns of sorrows past

And this time the memories go so fast

You can never rely on a ghost

Of emotion

I can't run away

From the missed opportunities

That led to myself

Being separated and yet still

So very connected to your being

They say that

Everything is always revealed

In the end

Then why not show me why not

Rather than suffer the wait

Which you create

Life goes by

I can feel it drawing me in

But I want to wait for you

So we can live together