Evening

I am standing

On the edge

One year has passed me by

If I do not jump

There is no hope 

I cannot fly

If I do not jump

There is no risk

I cannot die

Yet I have always wanted

The hands to stop

And lay me still

Within myself

Tears on the brink

My words are cold

My ship will sink

Your ears grow old

Of what I think

My touch is ice

My arms will fall

And pay the price

For embracing somethng

That was never there at all

My tears are glass

A path they cut

Through my life

My tears have passed

The doors are shut

My smiles are gray

My words are said

And on this day

My heart is dead

My laughs are not

What, they used to be

True happiness, they have forgot

As you

Have forgotten me

 

After

And though there is sadness in my smile
There will always be laughter in my tears
I no longer must wait through the years
I no longer sit in the darkness of denial

Although the light shines so brightly
At first it hurts my eyes and soul
I no longer need the cold to keep me whole
I no longer wonder and wallow nightly

My hands are still empty
And my heart is still full
And of joy, there is plenty
And of hurt, there is still

Enough to keep me going
Enough to keep me strong
Enough to keep me knowing
What I should have known all along

Maybe I am wrong
But I can still feel
That we could belong
But opened wounds can heal

And soon I will forget
Though lying on the bare floor
And the past, I should never regret
As you can never change before

And as much as I may cry
My tears are only for your
Happiness and so I ask why
And I can no longer ignore

My heart is not for myself
Anymore
And if there is one
That can bring a smile upon your face
I care not if my soul is sore
Your happiness is better than none


Although nothing can replace
The simple beauty
Of your embrace

The End

Always the same.

When I think
That there are no more tears
To be cried

I cry emptiness instead.
What's left of my heart
Has now fled.

I tried,
To overcome my fears

But now hope is gone.
My smile has died.
And only lies will carry on
For the truth
Burns me inside.

Life seems so wrong.
Only silence can sing my song.

The light in your eyes
Which once made me strong
How could I even sacrifice
Something I never had
All along

It is coming to an end
But yet I know
I can never let go
And I wish for you to go
As I will never mend.

The Choice

I hold in my hands
A tiny spark
And if I wish to let it go
To let you know
It will flail in the wind
And vanish, forever

From nothingness
There can only become nothing
Love can only come
From a heart
Not ashes set aflame
Long ago

By people not knowing
By my feelings not showing

I look to you
And you see right through
The pain.
Forever caught in the rain

Turn away from me forever
And that shall be the end
From the dust came a friend
And the friend once again
Into dust

and as for a lover, never.

I must
Open my hands
And let that tiny flicker
Flourish into nothing

Christmas

I wished for a cold, clear, frosty day
But now the sunshine melts my dreams away.

I wished for skies bright and blue.
But the clouds are in the way
Of my memories of you

I wished for presents underneath
The Christmas tree
But they will never be.
As empty
As your love for me.

I wished for a smile to chance upon my face
But I realize I miss your warm embrace
The one that never occurred.
And yet the one nothing can replace.

I wished for a place
Inside your heart
For you had one in mine long ago
But now there is empty space
Holding
Us apart
And I know

I wished you would feel the same
But it seems harsh truth
Iced over my fragile flame

I wished you came
To lighten up this freezing day
I wished I had someone else to blame
Someone to take all the tears away

And I know that it is now the day
To give
But I know I will get nothing.
In return.

And I wish I could find the strength to say
I cannot live
Without your love.

And that without your touch
My icy heart
Will always burn.

Gravity

You are not beautiful.
Nowhere close to perfection.
Eyes as empty as your soul
With a heart so unknowing
Though with a smile
You can silence my thoughts

Your words are ice
Into my eyes
Blinding me more
Than the tears you cannot see
The lies which set you free
The things I must sacrifice

I am sure
That your being cries
For something other
Than mine, and so whilst it dies
You, not even sore,
Take care to smother
Yourself in old hurts
I thought maybe
Now
You would understand
How
Your slightest move

Makes me wish
To withdraw my hand
Something
I can never allow.

Flaws so many it seems
And yet through it all
Your near rotten heart gleams
And so deep, I fall

And faster and faster I drown
You are a rope
Which I cannot let go
Though I can only cope
If you do not know

And yet
In my eyes reflection
Although knowing we cannot be
I look at you, and know
You are beautiful to me.

Golden Ash

Was there any point
To my hopeless wishes
For transparent kisses

The sky will never change
And rain will always fall
Amongst the gray blues

I walked through the storm
And your rainbow faded
In the end
The gold turned to ash
By my happy eyes
Now smiles into tears
But yet still I have fears

For you burn those who touch you
And yet you burn all the frowns
And although I wish to think not much of you
When you fall, I will too fall down

Before the tears

I know.
It can only ever be
A dream.
But I cannot let go
I cannot set free
The loving lies I have seen.

Though time is slow.
I know. That I will soon
Not even know myself.

Your very breath
Strangles me to death,
I cannot become
What I hate
Though with your glance
It seems only fate

This time last year
I could only fear
What I now do feel.
When I wished
I should have thought.

That whatever makes me happy.
Can never be real.

Upon An Evening

And so I place the star
So much higher
Than I can possible reach

You light the fire
And kiss, like a liar
Upon my lips
So I can no longer form speech

My life, desire
Rise as you are
So I can no longer see
What you will be

Yet from afar
I see the sky
And where you are
There are no goodbyes

Christmas Lights

And so the night has finally passed
Little smiles not built to last
Little looks I will ignore
Little people, falling on the floor.

So I watch the fireflies
Burn a hole in my heart
A space forever empty
Until time drags us apart

I look away from the walls
And I see that I am sure
In order to live
I must love, no more

Words

No matter where I turn
It seems there is no way
And no matter how much I yearn
Or how much I say

To nothing, nothing can listen.
And tomorrow becomes today
And still I remain silent.

And still I know the hurt so well
And still I don't know where to go
And still I say and do not tell
But yet,
It seems that I do not know

Soon my colors fade to grey
And I must sit inside
My hollow hole
Which I call home
And let my eyes rain
And let my heart pain
For another dismay
And I wish
I could change today
And I wish
My heart would go away
And I wish
But I know
Only you
Can make it all OK.

Onwards

I want to erase
All the fears
Hidden in the craze
Of my tears

Trapped inside a maze
Of my own feelings, my mind
Will always lock me outside, and time
Will ensure that without lies
You can never be mine.

I am running the wrong way
To get to the right place
But I swear I cannot stay
Still
I wish to simple face
The truths of what I feel
But even to life it is a disgrace.

Why,
Oh why is what I feel real?
However hard I try.
It seems my happiness
Will always die

Sorry

If giving everything, could
Give me another chance,
I would give more than I had.

It is so hard to return to that place
The same in itself
Yet everything else has changed

I keep walking, but
No longer can I see the people
As they come, and
Go
No longer can I see the pages of the books
With so many words the eye cannot see
Or understand
They are now empty
The doors are now shut
I can no longer feel your distant presence
As close as getting away permits

The skies no longer blue
The rain is flying down upon me
And my eyes are blurred
I cannot see where I am going
Although I know, where I am.
I am lost, as lost as a growing
Flower left in a dying man
That is what, I am.
If I knew when this feeling began
I would no longer hide it, real words
Would be flowing
No need for lies, no need for showing
No need for the hundred miles I ran.

My ears are filled
With sorrows past
With memories
Which seem at last
To have surfaced
And now they cause my tears
For again it seems, through
All those years
They return so fast
But no, who
I wish to see
Is behind the glass
Slowly blackening
And yet fading free.

My life is now devoid again.
Empty pieces cannot be gained.
And it seems my hopes were all in vain,
For the one who I hurt, shall never remain

And I wish I could explain
Those lustful lies were only there
To sacrifice the fact I care
Too much, too soon
I know I could not share
As you, the sun, and I the moon
And now, we are just the air.

I wish I could repair
But it seems that time
Shall make this cold
And it seems that now
Whatever you hold
Turns into forbidden
Dreams, gleams of a long gone
Gold.

So I wish, and I hope
But there is no mending.
I know I cannot cope
And there is no defending

What is the point
Of me, pretending.
Without you,
There is no
Happy ending.

Unfinished

I have all but cried
The truths hiding
Within my eyes

I have tried
To make my words fly
Suspended on hopeful things
Suspended on my blackened wings

Forever, I promised.
And yet now, somehow
Time is running
Far far away
From today

It seems I have
All the pieces
Just not the means
Of making something whole
For now it seems
Something is lost
Amongst the leaves
Dried up and broken
By the sound of your footsteps

But I must follow
I shall know
If reaching out
Shall make you go
For I have been waiting
But I guess it is so
These days will fly
Between you and I
A gap ever growing
I must live without ever knowing

I want to drown
In the hopes of tomorrow
But it exists no more
Your eyes look me sorrow
And yet I stupidly wish for
A day where I can borrow

The mind
The heart
The life
Of someone who is not I.
For maybe then.
You can find.
It in yourself.
To love me too.
If only you knew.

Answer

And the words that have risen
Once from the heart
Have started to be written
Away from the eyes
Of those who cannot see
What is inside the lies

So when today I opened
My arms, and waited to die
Anyway I could have sworn
Your smile made my misery fly
Away from the pages
I have torn, forlorn
Is my long gone patience

And I assure you
I could not think
Emptiness stood in between me
And truth

It seems
Wherever I run
I am forced to begin
Back where I have begun
And my tears, the dream
Of a time fair, where
I must be there
So I can share
Some of the shining sun

Direction

I can soon forget
The sunny days
Where time outside
From myself
Was hard to find

I will soon regret
The nights where I
Did walk on by
And in the cool air
Did not notice
You waiting there

A new beginning
Can never occur
For when time is winning
Emotions blur
And the ends
And the means
And the starts
All split at the seams

And so you take up
Your needle
And with the threads of love
You proceed

I need
You to keep me whole
For when I was freed
I could not bear the fall
Too long, too much, without your all

But what is the point.
For whenever you call
I shall be falling apart
For there is no love
And never was from the start
And again, I must dissapoint
But failing to impress
Both our hearts.

On A Journey

I am waiting
For the return
Of skies bright blue
For summer I yearn

I do wonder
About the past
I can feel it fade
For first, and the last

Time does take me
Away from your fate
But already decided
I know love will be too late

The embrace will guide me
Into a wall of pain
It is nice whilst inside
But once out,
I cannot feel to live again

I do lust for once more
But I cannot be sure
As I wait for the return
Of skies sparkling blue
Which remind me of your eyes
And in turn
Remind me of you

Cymbal

Is there a time
When the wind will return?
No longer welcome here
It pulls at my hands
But I am already away
I am further than I have been near
The brightened eyes
Slowly fade to grey

But deep inside
This shallowness I do confide
Within, is that there is still
A spark
Though caught by many
And then released on its way
It means not that any
One can feel

The joy in which
I imbued my life
Now trapped in freedom
To discover and find

I cannot read your mind
But I hope that one day soon
You can read between my lines
And there I will loom
Inside the fires
Of love, and groom.

Winter

So I will say to you
That through the frozen
Panes of glass
The sun will still shine
And slowly
All the cold
Will melt away

For there will always be another day
In times where there are no shoulder's to cry on
And when there is no bed to lie on
I still will say

There will be sunshine anyway.
For you can try
With your icy heart
To touch the fire
And make it freeze

But it still burns bright
And frost in it's might
Will succumb to the warmth
That my arms will give you
Anf then we can take flight

Together
Into the cold but hopeful sky
Shining with the future

No Defense

With your touch
You broke down my walls.
With your eyes
You melted away my troubles.

I hoped maybe
There would be a change
The ceiling would become sky
And at last we could fly

The bland floor
Would exist no more
And if we wanted
We could fall

But there was nothing
No boundaries
And I had no defense.
Nothing to protect,
And nothing there to protect me
From freedom

We roamed far away
From what we believed would be
Our end
Through the air
And deep in sea
We ran away from
What we could never mend.

Whatever was left
Of that place we called a home
Is now fading behind
The fires where you can find
The key to my heart
The key to my mind
The key to my soul

But it seems truth has been unkind
And our diamonds have become coal
So I beg of you, lover, go hence
Lest I shall be left here
No longer whole
And with no defense