Trapped

For when the lying lights of hope are no more.
The pain must go on.
But it seems my heart is hurt and sore.
And my mind has nowhere left to run.

I was taken out of these four walls.
And finally it appeared like I could fly.
But after the sunshine there is rain that falls.
And it seemed only tears could touch the sky.

Without warning I drowned back inside
The small spaces where I belong
And all the smiles had lied.
And all this time, hope was wrong.

And I realize now I cannot leave.
And again I see the truth I fear.
And slowly it gets hard to breathe.
As everything suddenly get's too near.

But it is possible for me to go.
And leave the other pain behind.
For it is not mine, but it shall forever lurk in my shadow
If I leave them alone with the darkness.
Which lurks in their minds.

Talking To A Stranger

No matter how he cries.
Everything is always too loud.
Silenced by the crowd, the
Smiles all around.

He stands on the ground.
Though feet not firmly placed.
It seems he is proud.
Though all of himself has been erased.

They talk to him as if he too can laugh.
But truth has shattered all but fear.
And thoughts that he will soon be replaced.
By the past haunting another useless year.

His eyes wander around his life,
And see nothing but the pain within.
For it seems his joy has been encased
Deep inside where his heart would have been.

They ask of him as if what he knows is true.
But he doesn't know where to begin.
For the end is beginning, and the beginning did end.
Long ago.
When I thought I could have you.

Empty Boxes

I have seen it in your eyes too many times
In a moment it's gone.
But you and I both know
That your smile cries.

Why does this seem so wrong.
When it seems between us, there is so much right.
I cannot let the present go.
Even if the past is still in sight.

I cling to the doors and the floors and the walls
But yet it seems its still it's raining down on me
I think I must know if there really was a cause
The ugliness in you.
That I simply cannot see.

Your touch, it stalls.
With it my soul and my life and my heart all take flight.
It seems to be joy, but inside myself you and I know.

That even when the day and the night collide
That even when time itself has died.
I will, like the fool I am.
Still believe.
And be standing.
Small and silent.
By your side.

Wondering

And it is the night before the day
But it shall be dark to me anyway
For underneath myself I bear
The strain of all those who were not there.

And I play the cards before the game
But loss hurts less when it is tamed
For underneath myself I stare
At my own broken wishes
Made by those who were not there.

And I run from before before I return
And I am frozen before I burn
For underneath myself I lack
The truth that you will not come back

And I shed my wings before I fly
So I can fall down from the shining sky
For underneath myself I believe it is true
That it is better to be alone,
Waiting for you.

Keepsake

It's still too early.
Yet far too late.
I have waited too long to hesitate.

Your eyes can only see.
The pain and hurt that you've caused not only me.

But the others who tried to be
As close to you
As a bird is free.

Although now the flowers bloom
You seem too far away.
And yet you arrive too soon.

To walk a path
Shrouded in dark hope.
I should have known
That the winds of change would have blown.

And now I can see the broken branches.

And now no-one will remember.
The hidden heart so tender.

I tried to climb
The mountains high
I tried too hard.
I was too alone.
But before the ice
There must always be water.
But warm truth did not suffice.
And so all you touched
You slaughtered.
I couldn't hear
The advice.
So I slipped on the past.
And I vanished so fast.
That you could have sworn
That there was no-one there
To pay the price.

Disappear

The sun always only shines
One one side.
And when I thought you were mine.
I could have sworn
That no more tears I would've cried.

But for me there is always darkness.
A place where no-one can see
The hand I hold out.
Eternally burned by your touch.
A place where I can be
A place where nothing is too much.

But I must confess.
Without a you,
There is no me, as such.
I am free

Just another falling tree
But with no-one to hear
I become just another falling tear
Just another drop
In an eternal sea.

I fell for you.
Like the winds to the shore.
I thought I would hurt no more.

I fell for you.
And now I hit the ground.
I want to scream
Though I know I won't make a sound.

For there is no-one left to hear.
It seems there is no more sunshine around.
For you took it with you when you left
And now under and over me is finally clear.
So I sink further into your memory.
And I disappear.

No Defense

You're breaking the lies
That I used to hide behind.
But it seems the truth makes less sense.
The future too bright.
The happiness is blind.

You took your smiles
At my expense.
Left cold and confused
On the cracked floors
Bare, with stains of laughter
And the people
Who used to sit there.

I closed the doors
On where I came from years
Ago. The wind still blows
Through my hair and yet

It is nothing compared
To the memory
Of your touch
And though it felt empty
It was filled with so much.

But the truth seems to make less sense.
You left me in the battlefield of your heart.
With no defense.

Light Up

There will come a day

Where in the dark

You will find a way.

You won't have to run anymore.

From the painful things

The kisses that sting

That left their mark, I am sure

We can make it anywhere.

But just not now.

If I knew how

To pull back these curtains of tears

And to find you there

Sitting in silent solitude

Drowning in words so unfair

So save me, as smiles fail me, you'd

Like once before, open those eyes

And light up

But this world would never allow

Such a beautiful face

Caught in between laughter and lies

And the memory of

A certain someone's

Warm embrace.

Broken

Just when I thought
I could finally find
The faultless touch
Of a feeling

Like every other before it
It slips
Out of my reach
A minute becomes a mile
And it fades
Forever

For the first time
I smiled
A wait I thought worthwhile

I should have known
My smile would become tears
My mind should have grown
Over my heart, which fears
Now everything and everyone
For I still let people hurt me
After all these wasted years.

And this is still a home.
That no-one can explain.
And I am still alone.
Drowning in useless pain.

I hide myself
Inside my heart
Scared that there might always be
Some person that will take it from me
From the start
And make me suffer
So endlessly

I should know
That I am in for an endless day
For a person that seems so
Happy to betray
Me
To ruin and
to play
me.

No-one will find me.
No-one will look
At the bottom
Of a dark and desolate place.
Scarred, tired, and dying
By the memories of your face.

Which never was
And never will be
To live and die alone
Is my destiny

Which I cannot touch
Nor could I ever see
I gave too much
And now I mean nothing to me

Which I can never hate
Love, something else I can never do.
That is my pointless fate
Forever bound
To a memory of you.

If Only

Even though my tears still burn
My feelings for you return.

Please, don't take my hand
And lead me on
You must understand
That when I fall
All but blind lies and hope,
is gone.

I cannot cope
In too deep
In a world of giants
Where I feel so small.

Sometimes, I can barely stand.
I know I will still
Wait for the one that will never come.
It's like running down an upwards hill.
Trying to fulfill
A dream only dreamed of
When you're fading

Like fake footprints
In the faithful snow
Take me in
As I sink
Into the lying glow
Of memories ago.

Without A Name

I know you can only see my smile
And therefore, so unaware of the pain inside
But I know it hasn't been a while
Since my own heart has lied

I am bound and broken on an isle
Surrounded by murky waters shallow
On the surface life seems worthwhile
Though no-one can see the darkness below

It seems I wade in hurtful pride
Cut by mirrors so painfully thin
But I know that all my tears have been cried
And that I can never smile
Within

Listen

I still remember

Those days alone

I sat on the floor

No-one else home.

I used to try

And talk.

But no-one could hear me.

I still fake my smile.

For it seems

My truthful tears

Will travel so many miles

To get to you.

My walls are still bare.

Solid silence in my heart.

Yet I know you're there

And I know you're listening.

I can feel it in the air

The sense of your touch

Always lingers

I still think

I can feel

The tingle 

On my fingers

But I knew it would be too much

I wasted so many silent years

I stand alone

Waiting for your cold embrace

Waiting for the happiness that will burn.

I have no home.

Gone now, in the memory of your face

Waiting for the lie that will never return

Identity - Repost

What am I

But a label

I have nothing to distinguish

Myself from the other tags

Read them off,

One by one

Tick them off,

One by one

Make sure they are all there

Otherwise you would cause quite a scare

Where have the skets gone?

Where are all the slags

How many roads must a nerd walk down

Before he gets called a fag?

How many times must an emo look up?

Until he can realise the poor

And stop being so self pitying

And stop sleeping with the whore

How many years should a dickhead exist?

Before he is washed by a tramp

And how many times should a junkie smoke weed

Before a goth turns him into a vamp

How many ears should the school bitch have?

Before she can hear the psycho cry

And how many suicides lies it take till the self-harmer knows

That the school thinks she's gonna die

How many times should there be bullying of freaks

Before the retard knows how to take sides

And how many times should the rebel, rebel

Until the wannabe by the rules, abides

How many times can we turn our heads

Pretending that none of us see

The answer, my friends

Is blowing in our sin.

The answer, is blowing,

In our sin.

After The Laughter

Whilst it lasts.
The pure white perfection
Is beautiful.

It flies downwards
From the sky
And I stand there
Frozen
As you pass me by

I seem to forget
That nothing lasts forever
And for me; eternity
Sounds like a story for never

So we go out and play
Not seeing the rain
And I still remember the day
Where my ignorance
Threw it all away

After the laughter
After the touch
Of the hidden cold.
I know
That nothing can never
Be too much
And that my words
Remain buried in ice
And remain untold.

What I once thought
Was worth me trying
Had melted into grey
And had my hopes dying

For there is always an end
To a day filled with new
And there will always be a friend
In me, for you

But slowly but surely
The slush turns to tears
And not even pain
Can turn back the years.

Shallow

I thought I could still stand.
But without you
As much as I have tried
To forget the touch
Of your hand
It's all too much

And it's all too beautiful
Outside.

I thought I could be happy.
Here hiding from
Love's embrace.
One million mirrors,
My own heart
Shattered in my face
The pieces too sharp
To pick up
Too many
To replace.

My eyes could never see the deep
So now I write, and I weep
A river of pain
Too shallow to swim in
So I sink yet again

I thought it would be the same.
The same lonely mornings
The same fire cold warnings
The same tears cried
Sitting in the same place.

The same heart denied.

Always too beautiful.
On the outside.

Snowflake

I might say that I don't care

But you know that's not true

You know I'll always be  there

No matter what you say, or what you do

You know that I miss you.

It's in the glance I can hardly bear

In the cold fearful eyes 

In the screaming silence we both share

In my honesty, and in your lies

I will always be there.

Through anything that's in my way.

Your light turns night into day.

I sit on the low wall.

And look out at the road ahead

So many people coming and going

And yet it seems my heart is dead

To all but the one 

Who won't allow my tears

To stop flowing.

I cannot leave 

What killed my smile.

In the pain, I cannot hide.

I can only grieve,

For cuts so deep

But so worthwhile.

I wish your voice

Sent me to sweet silent sleep

My aching soul is in denial

And

I wish I had tried.

I will always be there.

When love and hate collide.

And although the world is unaware

That's how I feel,

Inside.

Sick.

I used to think
I could see through
The ugliness
Which wasn't you.

But as the days
Go flying by
My heart will pay
For believing your lies

You have not changed.

Your soul is mangled
And deranged
Your feelings stone
And your eyelids still
Always closed
To the pain
Until
An innocent is thrown
In front of you
And all my hope
Was in vain

But there shall be a day
Where people will understand
The burn of your touch
When you hold a hand

And how slowly like a cut
You open up and let it out
Until someone hurts to make it shut
And you wonder what it was all about


I can see
Now
As never before

I can now no longer
Foolishly ignore

And I pray
That one day
I will see
The wreck of you
Which lies in front of me
When others see through to
The ugly truth
That you will always be

Growing Pains

The year has passed

And there is new sunshine

In the sky

No need for the last

Though you, still not mine

You still fly

Sometimes I know,

By looking at the past's shadow

That although there is a new beginning

What is now gone, is still in reach

And though time is always winning

I know,

There will always be

Mistakes made

People will always not see

The tears which are laid

In front of their eyes

Time will never 

Make us part

Time can never

Break my heart

That was done long before

I thought I loved, but I am sure

You're always a part of me

And yet I'm so incomplete

More broken than I thought,

I could be.

But yet still I wait

For hurt's repeat.

For every year

That I try to get through

I wish you were here

And I wish you knew

Without you the night

Is as cold as the way

Which leads to my heart

Without you what's bright

Is as dark as the day

Where my happiness starts

That there will never be no-one

And nothing is true

Although the year has just begun

I've already spent forever

Loving you.