Solar System

I cannot express

The pain.

A few words.

Thats all.

I know we're not equal.

There's no need to re-state

The facts.

But yet

You're tearing a gap between our worlds.

And I am thrust

Inside the darkness

Never to return

Floating endlessly

Without a cause

Without a purpose

In your orbit

Cycle

Are we all led

By this solvent called love?

Which dissolves everything else

And leaves only it's own solution?

Do we really have a choice in

What we do

Or

What we say

Or do we simply allow our feelings to 

Lead the way

Is there a plan set out for us

Or must we draw our own directions

Only to follow the wrong paths

Can you possibly control a thought?

A fleeting image

Something that should not have been said

I wonder sometimes

Can I change what happens to me

Because it would really help

If we could just leave all the pain

And simply move on

It's like we enjoy

Being near to a source of sadness

Maybe we do enjoy heartbreak

Otherwise we wouldn't stay close to 

Those who harm us

But then again,

Here come's the eternal excuse:
Love.

The perfect reason for every action.

The perfect meaning of each reaction.

And we, us, the people of this world

Love to have faith

But is this like dominos?
Do we 

Push
The first as soon as we do?

For as long as there is suffering,

There will always be hope.
And as long as there is hope,

There will always be suffering.

Schumann + Random

Desires

Let me out of this room.
Let me see the sun and the sky

And the way all the birds fly

And the moon and the night

And the stars and the flight

Of the planes and the bees

The waves and the seas

The boats and the fish 

And the way we all wish

To feel what we know

And know it is so

I want to feel the spark

Of life, and then hear "hark

The herald angels sing" 

And to ask how long is a piece of string

To learn and laugh and walk and run

To leap and spring, and be number one

I want to become what I was meant to be

And I'll live out my destiny

For fate and death is now the same

And as I lose I win the game

I want to feel the pleasing ache

Of the fiery flame

And the heart that breaks

Sketches

I was never a part of it, to be perfectly honest.
I thought I could join in.

I thought you would help me do that.

I thought you loved me, actually.

I thought a lot of things.
I thought I knew

A lot of things.
It turns out, I was wrong.
It always did seem like

I would never fit in.

But until the very end.
I still had hope.
And once that was crushed.
So was my poor,

Poor

Heart.

Defiance

Maybe if I stay underneath this blanket

And inhale the scent of sweet paradise

Truth will not collect me

Maybe if I cuddle 

Alone

And imagine you by my side

I won't have to get up

Maybe if I stay here for eternity

My determination

And longing

Will become a reality

And  you'll be here at last

If I turn off the light and

Curl up

I can forget everything else

And focus on the future memories

The love songs that I'll never sing

The gifts that I will never bring

If I lock myself away

Under this blanket of insecurity

I may be able to be with you

In all this dirty purity

The Journey (An adapted english language answer :) )

I am on a bus.
There are many scratches on the window. I count them. 

52, all in all. 52 weeks in a year. I would be giving up 36. But I'm not.
Outside, I can see life rushing by. Trees; Willow, Pine, 

Ash. They seem distorted by the speed of the bus. The people seem

happy, they smile and wave at me. The bus moves too fast for me to reply.

I look at the empty 

seat next to me, a constant reminder of what I'm

about to do. The sunlight shines on my face, and it creates

a haze of dust which hovers around me. Each particle

pointing. Accusing. It's finally my stop

, and I get off.

When my feet hit solid ground

the reality of my destiny, and his 

destiny, hits me. I walk slowly, 

savouring the last few minutes we have 

together. There's not a cloud in the sky, it's a perfect 

day, and I can see a single bird flying. It must feel so alone, 

there all by itself.
I look forwards, and begin the final stage 

of my journey. I hear high pitched shrieking

, so I turn towards the source. 

Toddlers, smiling, happy, on a climbing frame. The pipes so 

complex, with their intricate designs and their elegant curves. 

The grass seems fuller, more 

alive. Spring has arrived at last. I quicken my 

pace and move away from children. I guess I would do that anyway.

I must cross the road. On the other side, I see the 

building. The pedestrian light is red. So I stand still

once more. The building is a 

dismal grey, not a nice colour. The windows are 

new, double glazed and in contrast with the 

Gothic style of the building.

It is time to cross now. 

The light blinks impatiently. 

I take small steps, 

delaying the termination of our journey. 

9 steps exactly. I'm on my third, 

but not for much longer.

I walk towards the 

bland building. I stop 

at it's entrance, taking note of the people 

around me stare. How supreme I 

must seem. A mountain of defiance.
I take 2 steps forward. With the first, 

I catch the awkward glare of a 

young 

woman, who is leaving the building. 

With the second, I walk into her. I mutter 

an apology and look at her face. She's been 

crying. Will that be me soon?
As I walk into the building, the dark

hallway seems to engulf me, so that I and the darkness 

are one. I can see a 

young 

man sitting behind a 

desk at the far end of the hallway. I take

note of every detail before I march on. The floral 

wallpaper, the reassuring posters on the 

walls, and the too-clean creme 

carpet. I can feel the sunlight on my face as 

I glide forward. Please let this be a dream.
Every creak, every slow moan of 

the walls and the floor remind me of my journey. I have come this far, haven't I?
But I do not want to lose him.
As soon as I walk into that room, he is gone.
My darling, my beautiful baby boy.

The Journey

I walk through the dampened streets

And stop at each crossing

The grey drizzle slows my movement

But yet I still rush 

The foggy window shows not the outside

But only reflects what's within

I wait until it has cleared

Until I can see 

Not myself

There is no amber in this world

It's either stop

Or go

I see the lights

True

It describes me perfecltly,

I guess.
But you know, it's not all my fault

That I'm a filthy mess

Not all my fault

That I can't love and caress

Not all my fault

That I'm filled with stress

Not all my fault

That my feelings I must supress

Not all my fault

That I shall never be blessed
Not all my fault
That I cannot express

Not all my fault

That I can't achieve success

Not all my fault

But I must confess

Life is like a game of chess

And if the situation is assessed

We are at a stalemate, with no progress

Unless

We manage to impress

The king and queen

That we all possess

0=0=0

Unless something is added to it.
Does that mean 

Nothing will always be nothing?
Loneliness will always be lonely?
Unless a person is added?

What if there are no people to be added

What if there is you, yourself

And no-one else left in the world

Does that mean you will cease to exist?

Is a life without others a life at all

Are others life itself?
What is life?

For if there is only one person

And no-one else
And

0=0=0

Then life

Is nothing

And life

Will cease

Merry

Can't you see my smile frowning?

I told you I wasn't paranoid.

I knew it.

I knew I should've forgotten long ago.

Like I told myself I would.

If I would've done that,

Then maybe I wouldn't be smiling so much.

Was it really that hard?
Clicking delete isn't rocket science.
But its too late now anyway.

I can't control it.
It does what it wants.

But can anyone control it?
I always thought that it (The Heart) just did

What it seemed to do

With no real explanation

Just like how

There's no real explanation for

This

It does hurt, I'm not going to lie

But even if I try to try

I may end up laughing a cry

Though I told myself

I would not give up

But now it seems pointless

Annoying almost

Life isn't fair

And this is it

(So don't even try

To ignore my glare)

And deal

With it.

Dream

Vividly

I remember

I walk down the steep fall

And I feel a presence

Arms around me again

Happy again

Scene changes

On a hill

We sit

Together

Her lushious hair in front of me

Your hand enriched with blades

You reach out

I shout

You wonder why

She was never that good anyway

But I do not want her to be harmed

Very well

Float away

The arms are gone

I rush frantically

Around the school

Searching

Once

Some hope

Crushed by reality

I sit back on the hill

Her luscious hair

Is always there

Your temptation that proved too great for me

Removed you, or so it seems

And as I hate these stupid dreams

I realise they are reality

Fed Up

There is no point to this poem

As it's not a poem at all

I do not know what this is

And I do not care anymore

I have had enough of everything

And everything has had enough of me

If I have no hope

I will not be dissapointed

And if I have no heart

It can not be broken

Party

I look around at all the fun

And pick my pleasures one by one

I follow them to the open door

And walk outside the box

For sure

I sit on the bench, steely grey

And who sits with me?

No-one,

That surely made my day?

I walk back in the box

And I tell you raving rocks my socks

But through the grinding and the noise

I am not one of the boys

I accept a drink

Again, who won't?

I accept I must think

But they tell me:

Don't

I am in the frame, look there's me

Covered in so many others, that you can't see

But anyway, who gives a damn

For the person that I really am

The music is beginning to get to my head

So's the alcohol, as I should say

My brain is alive, and my heart is dead

Though I cannot live any another way

For when I find space in my busy life

I realise I don't have one at all

And as we cut the cake with my knife

Into a corner of truth I crawl

Out of all the people I have met

None of them would have ever known

That I am not happy, just upset

And I am possibly

Very
Very

Alone

Happy Birthday Emma Stutman

<3
Apologies for dodgy camera angle.
See if you can notice the 3 recurring themes
:)

The Broken People

I wish to return

To that very special place

Well

Both of them to be precise

Though I think I know

That deja vu

Isn't especially  all that nice

Memories are never as good

As the lies we choose to  tell

Which we want to believe so much

Though we believe them

All too well

The song that played

On that special day

Filled me with such joy

Is that a lie?

Or is that just my hope?

Slowly slowly

Destroyed

The clothes I wore

Are still pristine

I hang them

On the wall

To preserve the time

Or maybe times

Where I lied

About it all

The photographs

Are in their frames

With faces

Smiling

Blank

I remember the group one

Always nice

Always sweet

But who should I now thank

My imagination

For creating my life

Or my evil mind

Creating delight

I do not wish to remember

What I left behind

For I will then fail my pointless plight

I shall turn away from all the truth

And simply keep the lies

For we

The broken people

Can never look

In your eyes 

I slip into the crowded bus

The driver doesn't even ask to see my pass

Another one who seems to not notice my existence

I sit next to a middle aged asian woman

She doesn't look at me

I don't look at her either

I get off at my stop

Say thanks to the driver

Nothing

I walk through the school gate

And sit on the bench

I am in uniform

I should be like them

Though I am

Different

Somehow

I stand out

And yet

I blend in to the

Dull

Boring

Background

I go to my lessons

I have to confirm my prescence

Almost evety minute

So the shitty teacher knows I'm there

We have to get into groups of three

As always, I'm left out

There's no point in working anyway

I'm never asked to present what I do

It's lunch

I eat

Alone

I go back to lessons

We're doing a test

Theres no need to move me

I sit on my own on a table for two

The bell rings

I get back on the bus

I stand up,

There's no room to sit

I get off the bus

Utter thank you

The driver doesn't notice

I don't want to go home

I don't want to go anywhere

I don't want

Night Is The Mother Of Counsel

Lie Down.

Rest.

The answer will come to you.

Listen to your pillow!

For it knows the truth.

Hush now

Don't make a sound

Listen to it's whispers

Let your dreams take you

To your paradise

For they do not exist in reality

Let them allow you to feel

Love

Hope

Joy

For we all know they do not exist in

Your

Life

Enjoy the night whilst you can

For you can

Never

Stop the sun from rising

I.Hate.Everything

Everything's ugly really

When you think about it.

I haven't seem beauty in years

Probably because after the age of 11

The true horror of life hits you

The green grass is hurting me

The blue sky is crushing me

The bright sun

Burning me

Everything seems to be against me

I'm moving the wrong way

In an eternal one way system

Im stuck at an amber light

Indecisive

Always

Waiting for you to

Go through the door

Though you don't

And so I wait some more

I'm stuck in limbo

In transit

Waiting for my connecting flight to nowhere

For my taxi to nothingness

The coke tastes sour in my mouth

The water is draining

Me

Every single chip I eat counts down

The end of my beginning

And every hair I straighten tells a different

Charred

Story

Every word I write

Bursting with pain

Every note I play

Wrong with sadness

Every breath I take

Suffocates

Me

I am

What?

Down the golden elixir of life

And be lucky once more

Though I don't

drink

I think

Take the glorious disc

Ride it to the moon

Though I won't

Take

I fake

Is there no escape

From my deathly life

The answer is a question

Which is a statement in itself:

I

Hate

Everything

Ignorance

I look into the foggy mirror

And a distorted truth looks back

Can I ever know the feelings

Behind the looking glass

Or must I forever use trial and error

But error prevails in every trial

Is it that hard to wipe away the 

Dirt, the filth and the

Shit, and just let me see 

Reality

For I am tired of your notes

On the cloudy glass

The little "x"s fading away with time

As more nothingness takes it's place

The faces we drew together on that mirror

Are now melting away

And the bond which I though could be sustained

In the always cloudy room

The always hazy mirror

The always not-so-honesty

The fog hiding what is

And as I make an entrance

To my exit 

From the reflections

The haze clears

And I see the truth:

Nothing.

The Gun In School

Utterly clueless

Sitting around

The hard concrete

Sun warming our backs

Chanting

Singing

Shouting abuse at various members of staff

"We want food"

"Let us go"

Etcetera

Finally, we are allowed to go

Back to lunch at last

Though the condor block

Forbidden

The news rings out

People chattering

Rumours spreading

Calling to everyone at once

However, once they all know the

Danger has passed

They settle back into their ignorant rhythm

Now I am happy

That they kept us behind

For whilst everyone is cheery

And nothing seems to have become

Of this gun in school

Time has gone numb

And we have escaped it's rule

Memory Loss

Small fragments are floating down the river bank

To the sea

And beyond

Wherever that may be

I could never swim anyway

So I won't try and risk my life

For those small snapshots

They don't mean anything anymore

Like a puzzle with no pieces

I am lost at where to begin

At the end

Where all is gone

Or at the beginning

Where there is

Nothing

I dive in anyway

Only to find that I am too late

My mind is drifting away

And it is cold now

And slowly

Under the ice

Of our past loving hate

I must pay the price

So I suffocate

Never Ending Sonnet

Everytime I swallow

A lump rises in my throat

It is painful to eat now

Painful to drink

Painful to do all the things you may think

Make it easy to laugh

Easy to live

But there is no way on this Earth I will give

My determination a second thought

I will swim across skies and fly across seas

And walk on our not-yet-created memories

If you please

But there is one thing which I really must say

I will never attempt to get out of your way

If I am in your path I will not move

For it is the way it was meant to be

Though I know that there is no such

As sweet centred destiny

If I am dropped on a patch of your world I will try

To stay and to prosper until I rise and I fly

Off to another place where I can find you best

For change has always been the best for the rest

But if you do not count as part of that group

Then follow this cyclic pointless loop

But answer me this, am I truly mad

If I lose something that I never had

Anticyclone

It is sunny

Always sunny nowadays

I should be out there with you

Sitting

Laughing

On the cool grass

Under the trees

Enjoying the few weeks of calm we have

But yet

There is an absence of shadow

And it all seems so cloudy now

Nothing is as bright as it seemed

And the overcast sky will never clear

Even if I wait another year

There will still be sun

There will still be smiles

But never

Will I be able to

It isn't fair

I do admit

But it's no fun

Being alone

In the sun

Earthquake

I run my hand over the spikes of the fence

Feeling the sharp point dig into my hands

Again

Again

Again

I can feel the ground beneath me feet

Shaking

Shaking

Shaking

Even it is trying to 

Throw me off

I am running past the fire

I am running past the smoke

I am running past the fumes

But I am running on the faultline itself

The fence falls

And so do I

Limits Of Speed

Is there such a thing as breaking

Too many times?

Would there be a punishment perhaps

For ruining an already charred hope

Can one break what is broken?

Can one fix what is gone?

Can pain be happiness?
Can heartbreak be love?

I do not know

But these questions will never be answered

So lets not break speed limits

Let us focus on now

For we may not be here tomorrow

Movement

Double failure?

Maybe.

But twice, in a

Row?

Quite amusing

If I had a penny everytime I managed to

Fuck something up

I would be about as rich as my heart

(Not very rich)

Maybe not double then

But more than once

Too many times

But not twice yet

And there is too much piling up

On my poor poor head

And there are too many people piling up

On my poor poor head

Not once

Not twice

But too many times

Have I tried to ignore

The rushing

The jumping

The running

The 

Life

which carries us all with it

I want to stay behind

It is already too late to be early

I have missed the deadline

And now I must stay forwards again

I need to retrace my steps

And run towards the walls

Screaming

Punching

Kicking

Biting

Anything

To get out

Run forwards

And jump backwards

Tr a uma

I

Am

Broken

Pieces of me are spread

Everywhere

And yet

They are still breaking off

Into smaller

Untracable 

Pieces

Soon

There may be nothing left

For you to collect.

Made Up People

I know that they're not really there.

But if they make me happy.

And cause you no harm,

Then why should you take them away from me.

I do not see why I am hurting you.

But you seem to be hurting me.

You're pushing me.

Pushing me to do what I don't want to do.

Can't you let me keep on talking

To the people in my head?

For if you take away their lives

I will surely be dead.

Banned

They never do what we should do

Nor do they ever hear

Our complaints, our suggestions

Only ever our tears

The ignore our happiness

And focus on our pain

They do not seem to understand

From hypocrisy

There is 

Nothing

To gain

Everything is bad

And everything is wrong

From mobile phones to cameras

To laughter and to song

Only they can do what they forbid

Only they can be correct

For if we try to contest them

Our shouts shall have no affect

For they are our masters

And we are their slaves

And I assure you my friends

The teachers

Will us

Save

Spring

As the snow begins to melt

Snowdrops appear above the cold

A new world

A new being

With their heads hung low

In embarrassment?

In shame?

Why are they the first to appear

Why not wait another year

Do not touch them

They are still delicate

Fragile

The slightest breeze will break them

But if you never touch the snowdrops

How will you know the new

And if you never touch the snowdrops

How will I ever know you

Even MORE P.Iano..yes, I was bored.

some more P.Iano...

asian (l)

More P.Iano

hehehe...the "t" was dropped off lament...

Summer

The sun is shining

Though not inside this heart

I wish I could be outside

In the warmth

In the light

Not inside this shrivelled room

Not carrying this heavy heart

Let me ride on the waves of the dead

sea And let me float on the broken

pieces of life

I hope this summer

Is better than last years'

P.Iano.

Well, the first of the two songs...Comptine something by Tiersen, I had to upload because Jesse fell in love with it.
And the second. (La Fille aux Cheveux de Lin - Debussy) was because I needed to see it I could actually play it the whole way through.

You Cannot Put A Label On This One

I think,

Maybe, I'm losing my touch.

I keep deleting

Keep highlighting and getting rid of

What used to define me

All I want is a pure stream

Of thought

Of feeling

I have no use for language anymore

For it seems nor that,

Nor art

Nor music

Is strong enough to express raw

Emotion

Then what can I do

If there are no outlets left

Must I try to shape these lines and curls

Into sounds which imply

All that is true

Though all of it is lies

I go off again

Into a road filled with

No

Not a road

But I cannot describe

What is happenning to me?

Is this normal?

To lose all ability

To describe

To explain

I simply want

A patch of me

Placed here forever

But how can one remove a sample

From a mixed person

None of this is making any sense

Neither to you

Nor to me

In A Box

All of us are compacted together

And I suppose we usually do stick with those

We are closer to

I can see someone in the far distance

I know that we are similar

But a small force pushes me away

*Further away

Why am I so far anyway?

I don't know, nor do you.

Nor does anyone else.

Some invicible force pushes me away.

I grab at nothingness

You pull at empty spaces

And we manage to salvage our

Never

In a box

The Past

Everything has changed.

For the better, that is.

Now I can be sure that I belong with my group

Of friends

Now I know that me and my tribe

Of companions will face things together

I know that nothing will separate me from

Our group

Sorry

I mean

From my friends

Wait

Lets recap

What about the other people?

Why can't they be part of me

Part of us

The answer to that is clear.

We're better

Faster

Stronger

But not

Strong

Fast

Enough to be with group ONE

But

Who determines this

No-one of course

just stick with us, and you'll be OK

No-one can escape this twisted democracy

Anyway

___

Freedom was in the past.

Identity

What am I

But a label

I have nothing to distinguish

Myself from the other tags

Read them off, 

One by one

Tick them off,

One by one

Make sure they are all there

Otherwise you would cause quite a scare

Where have the skets gone?

Where are all the slags

How many roads must a nerd walk down

Before he gets called a fag?

How many times must an emo look up?

Until he can realise the poor

And stop being so self pitying

And stop sleeping with the whore

How many years should a dickhead exist?

Before he is washed by a tramp

And how many times should a junkie smoke weed

Before a goth turns him into a vamp

How many ears should the school bitch have?

Before she can hear the psycho cry

And how many suicide's lies it take till the self-harmer knows

That the school thinks she's gonna die

How many times should there be bullying of freaks

Before the retard knows how to take sides

And how many times should the rebel, rebel 

Until the wannabe by the rules, abides

How many times can we turn our heads

Pretending that none of us see

The answer, my friends

Is blowing in our sin.

The answer, is blowing,

In our sin.

Sunset

Failing never has been much fun.
Another wasted sheet.

Another pointless fleet

Of pointless lies

Of pointless

Everything, to be honest

For what is

Actually real?

I can see no similarity between what

Is described, and what is.

The blue of the sky, actually clear.
The green of the grass, as wet as a tear.

The red of blood, as blue as ice.

None of these colours, true enough

To entice

The hearts of you and I

For we always did live in a world of lies

Turn off the light

Goodnight

The Best Day

Look at the bright blackness of the dark cloth

And the shattering contrast of the silk white

The smooth roughness of the brown suede

And the rich dryness in the air

The stale freshness of the feeling

And yet, so empty

Or I wish

For this is the best day

And yet it is the worst

For anticipation is a curse

Paradox

You a few miles closer to me

And yet it still takes years before we can meet

You already there

Already prepared

But yet it is aeons before I shall see you

Time drifts longingly through holes in memory

As the darkness slowly eats up your prescence

You on the dance floor

Me at the dancing door

Which never seems to open

You at the disco

Me, wherever you go

But always too early

And you always too late

You are next to me

It takes time for me to reach out

And you are gone

Now simply a fleeting image

A fading memory

So far away

Prescence

What cannot be defined

Can still be there

What we cannot understand

Only means that it was created by forces

Greater than our own

Now I am no believer

I am a heathen at the most

But 

There is something I do know

Emotion is not a thing in the world of items

Nor is it one in the world of the mind

It is what is caused

When thoughts and objects combine

It is a clash

Of the surrealistic world

and of the materialistic

One thing I know

Is that we can never overcome

It's mighty prescence

Reach

Silly people

All of you.

Did I ever ask of much?

Did I ever ask for more than a touch

Of hope

Of faith?

Did I want more than such,

Some happiness

Some relief?

Did I request more than I could clutch

At?

More than I knew I would need?

All I wanted was to be freed

Freed from all the silent sounds

Freed from all the empty grounds

Freed from all the destered towns

Freed from the lonely nouns

Do I ask for much?

Just a simple human touch?

For there is nothing within this screaming city.

Box

Lean over the barrier 

And fall

Overstep the mark

And fall

We are told never to take risks

Lest we want to fall

And die

But I tell you this:

Without the risks, if I recall

Nothingness would rule over all

And to all the happiness we do imply

We would simply have to say

Goodbye

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Why are we all such

Selfish beasts?

We stomp around this world

Only using up

And only thinking of

The worst of our own best

I ask you not to refer to others

Just to perhaps, stop

And realise that

In reality

Others are selfish too.

!

What would I give

Just for anything

And yet for everything

Shallow pools of serenity

Blankets of deception hiding the

Deep faults within us

Ignorance freezing over the 

Reflections of sin and 

Sorrow

Hoping more lies shall cover 

The horrible truth

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The sea, so red

With broken

I love yous

The grass, so red

With shattered

Lives

The earth, so red

With fragments of 

more than one

excuse

The hearts of lovers, so red

So broken, shattered, and fragmented, that

No-one survives

Celebrity

Gagging on words which killed love was always something I avoided
Even when those same words
Make me who I am
Starting wars with your image isn't great
Glossy papers with useless words
Images as fake as the person I am

Right click on fame
and click delete

Leave

Chocolate bitterness
The taste still bright on my tongue
The keys still tight in the lock
Your mind still light as a rock

Coffee sweetness
The taste still wrong on my tongue
The touch still strong on my hand
The birds still song in my mind

Resistant ease
Ivory dark on my lap
Bang Bang

Ruby warm
and yet
Ice cold

Strength

That wall shall not save you
Neither shall those pills
The curtain of sorrow cannot be
Shunned away on a
Sunny day

That coat cannot protect you
Neither can the door
The box of dismay will close in you
Makig nought of the
Hope you sought

Your loneliness is not your weapon
And your sadness is not your shelter
Why dont you arise from the bright desert
And stop avoiding the rain

You won't be able to leave it all behind
So take it with you
Through the wind
Over the clouds
And
Far
Away