URGH. THIS TOOK ME LIKE HOURS TO GET RIGHT.
It's been nearly a month now since dad left. I am keeping a diary, since I can't tell anyone anything anymore. I suppose I'm not gonna forget it. But I don't want to write it down either. That way the proof's always there. If I can't forget it, then why NOT write it down. It's not like anyone's going to read any of this.
I think it was year ago, sort of. Well it started out before that, rumors, nasty comments, etc. But the real stuff happened a year ago, when I was 14. It was my birthday today though, but thankfully no-one knew that. I don't like people getting all excited. Anyway, I told my friend Evan. I didn't know that he was gonna tell anyone. But he did. I dunno how, it just somehow got out to the entire fucking school by the next day. I then found out that Evan told Svetlana. And then, well, it sort of spread. And then I got the notes in my homework diary.
"Fuck of you faggot".
And that was the nicest one. I mean, its not like I was expecting open arms from everyone, but I wouldn't think that people would make such a big deal about it. So I'm gay, so what? If I knew that our school was so fucking homophobic I wouldn't have told anyone, especially not Evan. But what pisses me off is that Evan was such an idiot. And he didn't even try to help me out of some of the more serious situations.
It started off with people just ignoring, like I had some sort of fucking contagious disease. No-one talked to me for at least a week. But I always heard them talking about me. When I talked to Evan he just blanked me. And it was even worse with Amar, he just started laughing at me for no apparent reason. It got worse, people would vandalize my stuff like my schoolbooks, and shit like that. I thought that they would stop after they had something better to do. But it seems like they didn't have anything better to do. I mean, I had a "talk" with my head or year, Mr Thomson, and he told me to tell the police if the bullying got too far. I thought that they would stop it after they had been warned in assembly. I didn't even know who "They" were. I was told by Jennifer that Evan started it. I though Jennifer was lying, like she always did, (She's Luke's sister, and I didn't want him to hate me from the first day here, but he doesn't seem to know about me), but she was telling the truth.
I then realized that I had to make them stop, and so I did tell the police. They called in Evan and his posse, and told him to stop whatever he was doing. He seemed all solemn and they told him to write me a letter of apology. But they said that I had to give it to my parents. My dad was catholic, and sort of homophobic, so I didn't want him knowing. But before I could tell the shitty police officer, Evan had gone and given it to him as he was outside. He read the letter, as it was addressed to him. Evan had gone when I got outside. Dad just told me to get in the car. Mum wasn't there, and I was a little scared. But he didn't do ANYTHING, we got home and he slept. Mum was at home. She was sort of crying. The school had phoned her. As soon as I walked in she ran up to me and hugged me. I was like "Ok then...". I think she was a bit concerned. What parent wouldn't be? But dad told me to go upstairs. I asked him why and he told me to fuck off upstairs. I was scared. But I went upstairs.
I heard shouting. I didn't really get what they were saying, but I'm a really deep sleeper so I fell asleep really quickly. When I woke up, I was a bit, you know, confused, on what happened. But I went downstairs and well, there was no-one there. And there's still no-one there.
They sort of just...left. But there was a note on the fridge. And it said :
"We have no son, we never had a son, and we do not know you".
It kinda upset me. Im over it now, but when people ask where you live, its sorta hard to say that you live in a care home. But that wasn't the worst of it. So social services came and took me away, and then I found a new home. Yeah well when I got to school the next day, and this was like 2 weeks after Svetlana told everyone I realized that people were talking to me. And Evan talked to me which was quite a shock. But he didn't seem normal. So I asked him "are you OK".
He just walked away.
And this was after school, so I walked away as well.
I walked through green lane to station road in Edgware, and then got the train to Hendon Central, and then walk home, which doesn't take a long time. But as I was walking through green lane, well, I was sort of...attacked. I think thats the right word. Yeah well basically one of them had a knife and yeah. They sort of stabbed me. It wasn't very nice. Next thing I remember, I was in hospital. I would have thought that Mum and Dad would have been there, you know, sure, they didn't want a son, but "Marcus" was stabbed. Yeah well I got a letter from hendon school saying that they accepted me, as I was on the waiting list before. That meant I had to say Goodbye to London Academy. Goodbyes. I didn't have many, I was sort of in intensive care.
After a week, and this was in half term, so no school missed, I got another letter from hendon school saying that I could go in a years time. I got private tutoring for a year, and it was as boring as hell. But thats not the point. A nurse came into room. I asked her where my parents were "naturally". She told me to be brave, Im like "Ok I will".
Mum was dead. Dad killed her.
And I'm just stuck on the in between. There's a court hearing in a month, and depending on what evidence I give one of two things could happen:
-dad could be sent to rehab.
-dad could be given life in jail.
I don't know what to do.
And why did everyone laugh when I talked to Shreya?
But, anyway, that's my story, and I don't want to end like it did before.
I just hope that maybe, someday, someone could see me for who I am, not what I am.
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