Terminal - I

So I left myself behind
Waiting for that day.
Though it was freedom I tried to find,
I only lost my way.

I arrived at the platform,
Twenty years too late.
I tried to fly back time,
But there was no-one at the gate.

Waiting for me was an empty case,
Which I should have used
All that time ago.
I gathered up all my strength,
And locked it into space.
As my arms were bruised,
And I could not carry grace,
I held it at arms length,
Walking at a steady pace,
But already so confused.

Usually, so many people
Would have crowded on these chairs.
Patiently sitting for their journey to begin.
Once, I thought I saw your face
But now there's no-one there.

I walk up to the bar.
The stools look so bare,
I order, and then make,
Myself a coffee.
It's tasteless; but I don't care.

I would get myself drunk,
But empty bottles never
Had much of an effect.
But the absence of naivety
Does give me time to reflect
On when and wherever
It's my turn to leave.

I look at my wrist,
At the memory of the watch
I no longer have.
I weave my way in between the vacant aisles
I choose one at random,
I take a seat.

I'm in the waiting room.
I steadily count my heartbeat.
I clutch my ticket in my hand.
But I know when it comes to it,
When it comes to checking who I am,
I can't let myself go ahead with it.
It's true, you wouldn't know
I held your hand and then you laughed as you let go,
So I wouldn't expect you to understand.
But it's not me.
That image you have in your heart.
Is nothing like what I have become
As I have grown, finally.

I only lost my way.
Though it was freedom I tried to find,
Waiting for that day.
So I left myself behind.