Refinement

I tried it once. I promise
You, I did.
The sulking dew on my soaking skin
Soon melted away,
Leaving raw residue.
Shattered grey where you said I would find
The gold at then end of the rainbow, some day.

Now I'm lying ashamed, the only
Arms that will hold me are my own.
In a crowd, but without you I'm so lonely.
Any other's touch will make me alone.

I cannot regret enough.
Trying to run forwards in
This backwards world.
I want your poison, unpolished, rough
Like a hidden diamond I'm looking for.

I wish you could be less transparent.
For now it seems that everyone is searching
For something which wasn't forever apparent
But buried under years of dirt.
I thought I had found you,
In your purest form.
But it seems I walked around you.
And now I'm torn.

Who do I believe?
Should I have kept you,
On that silent day.
Imperfections so sharp they cut through
The beauty.
But I cannot deceive myself.
I let you go, and then wept through
Those moonless nights.
I watched as they took your shine
And you were one with the other lights.
And now you're everyone's.
Everyone's but mine.