Nan's dead.
Dad's left.
Home alone. In fact, get rid of the home. It's not where I feel safe. No haven of mine is that house of tricks. My name is Theodore O'Riordan. Yeah I know, it's a weird name. People've made fun of that pointless times.
"So, I can come over, yeah?"
I don't know why I even talk to Ravi, he's not in any of my classes, not in my tutor group, didn't go to my primary school... I guess it's just because he takes an interest, y'know?
I don't know why I even talk to Ravi, he's not in any of my classes, not in my tutor group, didn't go to my primary school... I guess it's just because he takes an interest, y'know?
"Sure! Don't worry about it!"
Was that too excited?
Was that too excited?
Shit.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not unpopular, or hated by the "it" gang, but it's just I can't really talk to people well. I don't want him to know that, I dont want him to know I'm sorta depserate for friends. Mum always told me not to show people how I really feel, or otherwise they'll take advantage of me. She sure hid her hatred of me well then.
"Theo...you still there?"
"Oh, what, yeah, I just zoned out for a bit."
I smiled apologetically at him. He just looked at me incredulously and smiled that really REALLY asian looking smile of his. I mean, being from sri lanka may have had something to do with it, but I think it's just because he hadn't shaved in what seems like years.
"Oh, what, yeah, I just zoned out for a bit."
I smiled apologetically at him. He just looked at me incredulously and smiled that really REALLY asian looking smile of his. I mean, being from sri lanka may have had something to do with it, but I think it's just because he hadn't shaved in what seems like years.
"Hey guyysssssssssss"
Oh great. Abbi "Pink" Cartwright. Guess which part of that name she made up. Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits, but she just bloody appears out of nowhere. No-one appears like that in bloody Reading!
Oh great. Abbi "Pink" Cartwright. Guess which part of that name she made up. Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits, but she just bloody appears out of nowhere. No-one appears like that in bloody Reading!
I go to Reading School, a small grammar school on the outskirts. Quite boring really.
"So Ravs, Thee to the O, how's it hanging?"
I hated it when she called me that. My mum was the only the person who could get away with that. It sure sounded funny when you said that in a typical limerick accent. She moved to England when she met my dad. Scum personified.
I was walking home with Ravi, and wondering what on Earth we would actually do when we got there. My house isn't the most interesting thing in the world. We get in
"Wow...nice house"
"Thanks. Dya want anything to like, drink?"
He politely declined.
"Wow...nice house"
"Thanks. Dya want anything to like, drink?"
He politely declined.
Mum always told to me watch out, cos some people could spike my drink. When I was 14, that nearly happenned, but Abbi thought the drink looked funny, as water really shouldn't be fizzy. She has helped me out of some tough spots so far.
We went to my room; PS3 is always the best option for boredom, coupled with some facebook stalking. There's a photo of Dolores o'Riordan on my wall. The Cranberries are my favourite band. When I was younger, I used to believe I was related to her, and that she would come and fly me away with her voice.
That never happenned.
"Your parents not home then?"
I'm adopted.
I'm adopted.
"No."
"Ah, shucks, I wanna meet them! They sound so interesting"
Silence.
After an hour or so of some hardcore first person shooters, (HALO 3) I decided to order some pizza. only £5.98 aswell! I know that I'm cheap, but hey, it was a good deal. It was 7:00. The phone rang. I felt bad leaving Ravi on his own, the phone was in the spare room, so I put it on speaker. Just silence.
"Ah, shucks, I wanna meet them! They sound so interesting"
Silence.
After an hour or so of some hardcore first person shooters, (HALO 3) I decided to order some pizza. only £5.98 aswell! I know that I'm cheap, but hey, it was a good deal. It was 7:00. The phone rang. I felt bad leaving Ravi on his own, the phone was in the spare room, so I put it on speaker. Just silence.
"Why the fuck would someone waste money making a silent phone call?"
Ravi said, trying not to burst into laughter.
Every day.
7:00
The pizza is here.
I open the imaginary door.
No, wai-
"STOP IT NOW LUKE. ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?.
YOUR PARENTS ARE ALIVE."
-no, please, wait, I can explain, I re-
"NO YOU CANNOT. YOU CAN'T PLAY HALO 3 ON A PS3, DID YOU KNOW THAT?
"NO YOU CANNOT. YOU CAN'T PLAY HALO 3 ON A PS3, DID YOU KNOW THAT?
YOU CAN'T ORDER FOR AS LITTLE AS £6 ONLINE, AND READING SCHOOL IS A SINGLE SEX SCHOOL."
-I, I, it's not fair, it's not fair! leave me alone! please, jus-
"AFTER A WHILE, THE LIES FALL APART, DON'T THEY LUKE?"
-no, I'm theo, short for theodore, I'm theodore-
"LIES"
-I, I, it's not fair, it's not fair! leave me alone! please, jus-
"AFTER A WHILE, THE LIES FALL APART, DON'T THEY LUKE?"
-no, I'm theo, short for theodore, I'm theodore-
"LIES"
-I'm 16, and I go to Reading School, and my best friends are--
"YOU DO NOT HAVE FRIENDS. ALL
"YOU DO NOT HAVE FRIENDS. ALL
LIES"
I can't take it anymore.
It's all too much.
I can't, I just can't face the truth.
Not now, I'm not ready.
"Oh, yeah, my dad won't be home today, he had to go and see nan, she's ill."
They're in the next room.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not unpopular, or hated by the "it" gang
They're waiting for me outside.
I go to Reading School, a small grammar school on the outskirts. Quite boring really.
I would've been in year 12. But I can't face the truth.
So I live.
In this imaginary world
Of
Lies.
1 comment:
There really is something intriguing about this poetic narrative. Like a diary entry, it holds the often cold thoughts of this pessimistic emo but with enough intimacy to invoke a slight warmth as we sympathise with the persona.
However, the message is clear throughout: that often as youths we are innocently deceived into thinking the world can be a utopia; when really, it is a honey-coated dreamworld of lies.
Beautifully written Mehdi :)
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