The Wait

You'd think that after
Someone broke down my walls
I would build them
So much stronger.

But it's never only
What's on the outside that's broken.

It takes so much longer.
Every time
To hope that for once
There will be nothing
To tear down whatever defenses
You have left.

This is the glass cage I am in.
The bright black night and I
Get what I deserve

My little flame taken
By the wishes
That I never wanted

Your little game forsaken
And they say there are more fish
In the sea
But no such fish
Could make me
Feel for the first time
That I'm worth something, that I can be
Anything I believe I can be.

And yet my words
Are so out of place
Near the near perfection
That is your face.

The greatest vanishing acts
Are those with no beginning
No middle
And no end.
The story of your undying grace
Which even my weary eyes could not comprehend.

Whilst on the top
Without bounds or braces
I can't look back.
I can't look down.
Only on and up.

But no-one can fly.

I am in the silence
The drop of the pin
Which no-one hears.

I am in violence
The wasted tears.

And out of time
My hands they tremble
With the mere thought
Of what I feel within.
I cannot walk
Nor can I run
I cannot talk
But it seems not speaking
Only means.
That I have given in.
And that the truth has won.

Now paper thin
They have no use at all.
My hopes ones so large
Now seem so small.

Now even the breeze
The whisper of words
From your mouth

Make me burn.

And you'd think
I'm used to all the pain
That I could cope

But it's like being hit
By the same runaway train
It's as stupid as me standing
In the rain, yet again

Waiting for someone who never came.
But yet I still think, in my heart of hearts
There is chance, and that there is love to gain.

But every time it happens.
The hurt is so much more
Powerful, than if I just give up
For once and then I'm sure
There would be nothing.

The clouds have no silver lining.
Sunshine comes and goes.
The real light is always shining.
But where,
It seems like only you know.
And it seems like I play
That either
You
Or I,
Alone.
Can go.